As American as apple pie! As reliable as your 401(k)! Yes indeed, it’s time once again for the Ten-Foot Poll, the nation’s most distinctive look at who did what and why on this historic Election Day just past.

Our carefully chosen sample of 2,361 randomly invented voters provides the kind of insight you simply won’t find anywhere else.

Asked to explain their hunger for a new direction, voters said they were:

a) tired of the Bush administration: 8 percent

b) very tired of the Bush administration: 9 percent

c) incredibly tired of the Bush administration: 21 percent

d) “Why don’t they just leave already!!!”: 62 percent

The public’s opinion of the Bush White House proved a continuing challenge to the Republican standard-bearer, Sen. John McCain, despite his own lengthy record of public service.

Voters felt that President Bush’s low approval ratings throughout 2008 were:

a) an albatross for McCain: 34 percent

b) a lead weight for McCain: 29 percent

c) more proof that God has a weird sense of humor: 37 percent

Foreign affairs and national security definitely took a back seat to kitchen-table domestic concerns this year, with voters describing the situation in Iraq as:

a) improving: 28 percent

b) deteriorating: 19 percent

c) “What’s Iraq?”: 53 percent

Meanwhile, independent voters who voted for Barack Obama felt that McCain would have been more appealing had he selected as his running mate:

a) Mike Huckabee: 18 percent

b) Mitt Romney: 26 percent

c) Rudy Giuliani: 25 percent

d) someone from the phone book: 31 percent

Negative impressions weren’t the only motivators for voters, of course; our sample found plenty to like about the particular candidate they supported.

Obama backers found most compelling:

a) his specific policy positions: 17 percent

b) his life story: 16 percent

c) his speechmaking ability: 18 percent

d) the celestial light that constantly envelops him: 49 percent

While McCain backers cited:

a) his specific policy positions: 20 percent

b) his life story: 46 percent

c) his “straight talk”: 28 percent

d) his comfort with e-mail: 6 percent

Finally, asked to look ahead to 2012, voters said they favored:

a) Barack Obama: 11 percent

b) John McCain: 10 percent

c) Hillary Clinton: 7 percent

d) Sarah Palin: 5 percent

e) another candidate: 3 percent

f) a nice long nap: 64 percent

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